TONI TUNES EP.2: January

I spent most of this month jetlagged, which further proves how old I have become since the last time I traveled west, and so I spent the majority of this month in deep sleep or deep thought. And it is good that I did, because I really had a lot of thinking to do this month, a lot of decision making, too. And so this month´s songs are of the slower sort, they contain a little soul (in contrast to the songs in episode 1). Most of them, at least. Enjoy.

TV Blues- Dijon

(Calloused hands on your hand)
I want to collect all of the scary things
Hiding out where you sleep 
'Til I collapse on you (I collapse on your lap)
My static eyes under TV blue 

Dijon himself tweeted that this song is “about (his) dad and (his) dad´s dog”, which is a detail I love but don´t take into account when listening to this song (although the idea of an old sleepy dog watching TV warms my heart). I don´t know where I found this song but I do remember thinking that this sounds a lot like a song one could expect from Frank Ocean, who is missing sm from my “new releases for you” playlist that it almost hurts. Anyways, I don´t want to discredit Dijon, because I really do love the melody and the background vocals and the sound of his voice and the weird feeling of longing that he´s transmitting through this song- it sound like a journal entry, or maybe a sleepy love letter to someone who soothes your soul enough for you to collapse into them. And here we are back to his dad´s dog, I love it.

Go Your Own Way- Fleetwood Mac

Loving you isn't the right thing to do
How can I ever change things that I feel?
If I could, maybe I'd give you my world
How can I when you won't take it from me?
If I could, baby, I'd give you my world
Open up, everything's waiting for you

When I said that January’s songs are soulful, what I actually meant was that I listened to a lot of Fleetwood Mac this month. I know that a version of myself from the past would have related to these lyrics, and it SUCKS that I discovered this level of a connection to Fleetwood Mac this late because damn would it have been nice to listen to their entire discography this time last year.

six speed- ROLE MODEL

Six speeds on my bike 
And I'm moving pretty fast, moving pretty fast from it
Pretty people seem so unhappy with themselves
If I had a face like that I'd never love no one else
And I don't want to cry, ‘cause nobody ever cries if they're tough
Leave me out to dry, just so I can lie with the rest of the stuff

I listen to this song and think of a morning last summer where I put on my running shoes and spent two hours getting lost in a suburb of Madrid, where the houses were painted orange and blue and the people greeted me in Spanish and I was too scared to do anything but smile back in return because I felt so overwhelmed with life: the fruit trees and the bumpy roads and the warm air. This song is pretty sad and I couldn´t tell you why I connect such a happy, serene memory to it, especially because I found this song in December, but I was recently told that sad things can be beautiful too, if you let them, and so I let this sad song become a vessel for a happy memory.

Songbird- Fleetwood Mac

For you, there'll be no more crying
For you, the sun will be shining
And I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right

And I wish you all the love in the world
But most of all, I wish it from myself

As promised, another Fleetwood Mac song. This one actually made me cry at the beginning of January (the only reason I remembered this is because it means something, even though I am not sure what exactly it is yet) because it´s so beautiful and heart-shattering and wow imagine somebody listening to this song and thinking of you. I also adore the lyric “And I wish you all the love in the world, but most of all, I wish it from myself”, it may be the most selfless piece of a song ever to be written. I wish you all the love in the world, but I also wish for it to be me giving you all my love in the world. Wow.

Purple Rain- Prince

I only wanted one time to see you laughing
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain

I don´t know where to start with this because everything good I could say has already been said a million times before the mere thought of me on this planet even existed, but I love it a lot and I wish I could feel like this song makes me feel all the time.

Malibu Sleep- Col3trane

I can't stay awake all the time
I got things to do
I sit at the rave with a pencil
I lost a pencil, need a pen to talk
Need a pad to really feel a way

This also sounds like a Frank Ocean song, which is probably why I´ve been listening to it too. Another reason would be my relation to the lines above, the artist´s need for writing and expression. He writes songs, I write other stuff, but essentially we both write, we both need it to survive.

Hawaiian Party- Club Sport

So you say that you're going to a Hawaiian party
And I need to hear what you're wearin' to the party
On Monday, you'll tell me about your Hawaiian party
I'll hear what you drank and if you danced at the party
I will know the details like I was at this party
I don't want to see your photos, you know it bores me

Okay hiiii this song makes me feel all types of ways because it is so good and wistful and I love it. Whatever mood I´m in, I can listen to this song. The lyrics are also hilarious to me for some reason because they revolve around the narrator getting annoyed about being told about this “Hawaiian party” over and over again. Reading the lyrics without music just made me laugh

Tears Dry On Their Own- Amy Winehouse

I don't know why I got so attached
It's my responsibility
And you don't owe nothing to me
He walks away
The sun goes down
He takes the day but I'm grown
And in your way, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

I was a bit confused in the first week of December because lots of things were happening all at once but then I started listening to Amy Winehouse and this song inspired me to get up from my desk and dance around my room in the middle of the night for some reason. If my life was a movie, this song would definitely be on the soundtrack and accompany my “getting her shit together” montage (as it kinda did that night).

It Was You- Norah Jones

Make me get up off my feet
Take the beat out of my heart
Now the people might believe
Eyes ahead, don't you wait too long

I listened to this song every morning for maybe two weeks and it, you might notice that this is common in my life, made me feel like I was in a movie. It sounds so Paris, all I want to do while listening to this is drink honey water and watch people from a tiny Parisian balcony as I make up poems about passersby.
(also how weird is it that the plural of the word “passerby” is passersby?? I would have never guessed)

Holding On- Tony K

Lmao I can´t post these lyrics here because people are going to feel addressed but basically, this song is easy to listen to, and so I like listening to it, no matter the lyrics and what they may or may not make me feel.

ghostin- Ariana Grande

Look at the cards that we've been dealt
If you were anybody else
Probably wouldn't last a day
I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again
Over him
I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again
'Stead of ghostin' him

I´ve never really been a listener or fan of Ariana Grande but this song is very soothing and nice to either fall asleep or think to and was, therefore, an essential part of my music habits this month.

Lavender Kiss- The Licks

Make me scream for this
I just want you to want me
I need your lavender kiss
What makes a man
Fall for a woman?
What makes her think she can take it back?

This sounds like it should be played in one of those bars you see on TV that are all dark wood and whiskey and red leather or dark green velvet and are usually found in New York. Please tell me you know what I mean or I´ll sound crazy. This song also begins with very philosophical questions that aren´t answered throughout the song, which I love.

When The Night is Over- Lord Huron

When the ocean drinks the sky
And the city winks its eye
When the night is done, you’ll vanish in the sun
Will I hold you when the night is over?
Am I lost inside my mind?
There’s an emerald in the sky

Most of us know Lord Huron as the artist behind “The Night We Met”, the song that was featured on the 13 Reasons Why soundtrack and undeniably broke my heart because a) Season 1 was actually good (fight me on this) and crazy sad and b) it accompanied me through a really rough time in my life. For these reasons, I have stayed away from not only the song, as it brings back a ton of memories I don´t like to relive, and the artist himself out of fear of triggering something. There we have my first mistake, ladies and gentlemen, because Lord Huron is entirely and completely slept on. If I could, I would write a whole trilogy inspired by the feelings this song evokes in me. It is unlike every song I have ever heard, and maybe I sound delusional but maybe this song really is a special one. Lord Huron, for works such as “The Night We Met” and now “When The Night is Over” should be praised for his unique style and capturing of emotions and language.

Also: Listen to Harvest Moon by Lord Huron

Get Free- Lana Del Rey

I'm crossing the threshold
From the ordinary world
To the reveal of my heart
This is my commitment
My modern manifesto
I never really noticed that I had to decide
To play someone's game or live my own life
And now I do
I wanna move
Out of the black (Out of the black)
Into the blue (Into the blue)

I know two songs that would perfectly describe what 2019 was like for me, the first one being Liability by Lorde, because it really is what I felt like for the first half of the year, and the second one being Get Free by Lana Del Rey. In 2019 I healed so much of my past and evolved into the person I am today (shoutout to me ily) and I think this evolution can be perfectly summed up with this song. I have moved “out of the black, into the blue”.

Landslide- Fleetwood Mac

Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too

Stevie Nicks is like, the biggest gift of the music industry and this song is the only proof you need. Again, anything I could say about this song will already have been said by somebody who is a lot more talented at separating personal relation and emotion from songs, and so I won´t say anything. “I´ve been afraid of changing cause I´ve built my life around you” is just… wow.

Honorary Mentions:

Hey Jude- The Beatles
Be My Baby- The Ronettes
I´m Not The Only One- Sam Smith, A$AP Rocky
If I Believe You- The 1975
Come on Mess Me Up- Cub Sport
Chasing Pavements- Adele
Love in This Club- Usher, Jeezy
Backseat Girl- Megan Gage
Sea, Swallow Me- Cocteau Twins
Sway- Dean Martin
No Guidance- Chris Brown, Drake
Dear John Little House- Amanda Seyfried
P*$$Y Fairy (OTW)- Jhene Aiko
Fate- H.E.R
Grease- Frankie Valli
You´re Somebody Else- flora cash
me & ur ghost- blackbear

Disclaimer: These Toni Tunes episodes are super informal for a reason! I know it may be annoying to read but I want this to feel like a conversation about music between two friends, not between you and someone who thinks they´re superior over you due to the music they listen to (I know too many people like that and they suck so much I wanna spare you from it lmao). I hope you don´t mind, and feel free to share your fav music with me too!

!!I hope your first month of 2020 was a good one!! xx

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