Music,  Writing

THE SOUNDTRACK OF A LOVE STORY

“Music tells stories most of us overhear. Listen closely.” 

Short excerpts of stories, all of them inspired by songs from my playlist.

find the list of songs at the bottom of the post x

Disclaimer: this writing is fictional and inspired by moods and lyrics of the songs mentioned :)


Kiss Me

Not like you want to be loved, but underneath the milky twilight. Make the fireflies fly for me out on the moonlit dance floor. I´ll be in that dress and the moon will sparkle silver. Kiss me.

Loving can hurt. Sometimes. Mine did, but it´s the only thing I know from you. I wish I had a photograph, just one, instead of these memories. But time´s forever frozen still.

I said I wouldn’t come, but I´ll be at your house in a few. I don´t care about what everyone else is doing, all I want is to see you. Wish it was just you and me, all these people are too much for me to handle. You´re a little hipster, red, I grew up on punk rock and eighties glam. Did you? Is that why you know all the lyrics?

You shouldn´t be drowning on your own. But I want you to. Your hand in mine. Cold, cold water. We all get lost sometimes and you really shouldnt be drowning on your own, you know? Your distance is ice to this fire. But I´ll drown for you. I will. (I did.)

This is just the thrill of boy meeting girl. A green glass bottle in a kitchen, a shaking hand, a wooden table in a living room (knock twice for good luck). Ignore that it means more than that, I dare you. The world goes hazy when I get close to you. There´s a word for it, but boy, ignore that it´s got anything to do with it.

I think I´m gonna make it worse, touching you hurts. What have I been doing wrong? Tell me what it is you want. Love, I will let you go if you don´t tell me right now. What is it that you want?
It´s enough to be better. I wish I could be.

We´re never getting older. We´ll keep this in a photograph, a memory. I want you closer, baby. You look even better than the day I met you, your magic still the same. I don´t like your friends, the ones that think they know it all. I hope I never see them again.

Everytime I see you I realize how much I need you. Fuck. I´m feeling used, seeing you hurts. If I pulled a you on you you wouldn´t like that- but I wouldn´t. I couldn´t. I bet your friends don´t know the full story. What do they now? Do they know about the nights we don´t remember?
You said you wouldn´t and you fucking did. Trust me, I´ve burnt our bridge countless times, it´s a wreck. Barely standing, but that´s the price of moving on.

I thought that we were over but I´m going in. Two shots of Henny, the door opens. Music loud, neon bright. Two shots of Henny, there you are. So cool, so Hollywood, you made sure your outfit was good. There isn´t a time that you´re not on your phone but you ignore my texts. I hope your followers are impressed by your crooked life. You say you miss me? Well, baby, forget it. You need a little time to grow. And I´d unmeet you if I could.

February passes and I´ve got issues now. You say you´ve got them too. Please, for once, don´t make it all about you. I love you but I could leave you fast. Watch it, watch that tone. So I´m a bitch now? We have the same point of view. I´ll give you mine if you give me yours. This whole thing is a poorly wired circuit, but I don´t judge you. I just need you, bad.

I´m far now, and you, you´re my favorite daydream. Your hand in mine, white sheets and a wooden bed, curtains swaying back and forth, dancing the messy slow we never did. Your mess is mine, just let go.

I´m sorry I couldn´t make it to your party. A lot´s been going on, and your presence hurts. Youre so caught up in your own selfishness, it won´t let you be a part of this. I delete the messages before I send them, every time I see you I count the seconds. I try to pretend that it doesn´t feel like we´ve ended. Take a chance and fix this. I won´t be the one. Not this time.

You don´t know me. “I know you better than you´d think”. “You know what I want you to.” I know everything you don´t want me to. I dream of you, and yours are the same as mine. I don´t love you, but I wish you´d hold me. But your hands bruise. But your presence heals. I choose you, without having a choice. I will always love you.

This space I love is about to be empty now. I haven´t thought about it in a month. I always saw me coming back to you. But if there is no house to return to, will we ever meet again? I thought I had you on hold, I thought it was all planned out, when and where did we go wrong?

You´re just my kind, but you make me wanna change. You make me love the pain, and it´s going downhill now. You open the door, silent talk. Is anyone ever going to speak first?

And I make it so easy for you, hoping you´ll change your mind. Let´s live on your sofa, as long as it makes you stay. Just wait a second while your hand is on mine. Stay.

It´s summer now, you party all the time. Is your wine cheap in private? We disregard the way we feel, still insecure. We were too young on the day we met and promised we wouldn´t forget. It feels like a long time ago. My words will always ring truth. I think we´re over now. Maybe for real this time. I imagine myself bumping into you, the wrong people by your side, and ignoring you. There is so “us” no more, just me. And you. Wrong people by your side.

I found myself at your door again. Promised it would be the last time. Again. Just like all those times before, but all roads lead me here. You´re home. A leather jacket to beat the cold? It´s obvious you don´t know what you’re doing. I dared to put my name at the top of your list, and your apology sounded like the best one yet. You break my heart in the blink of an eye, don´t you notice? Don´t you care? Don´t you dare tell me it´s been me all along. This is the last time, please don´t hurt me anymore.

Another summer, the next. You see me standing, but boy, I´m dying on the floor. I´m happy for you but I don´t understand. My standards are low, I take the pain. A train and tears, spanish students watching me cry. I´m happy for you. Of course I am.

Me rehuso. Con accento. I refuse. How will I explain to myself that you won´t be there? She´s everything, like walking moonlight. And here I was, thinking we were meant to be close for the rest of our lives.

I used to tell you too much, you used to know everything. You´ve stopped asking about me. I can´t stand you, I bet you can´t stand me either. We´ve got too much history. You´ll throw a party, won´t have to do much for me to come around with my best friend. Keep close to me like you used to, hand on my knee. Eyes meet, this is different again. Maybe I´m crazy, but maybe we´re meant to be?

The seasons change. I´m colder without you, is anybody surprised? It´s never been so plain to see. But hey, can I tell you a secret? When you say you won´t forget me, that´s untrue. I would know. Ever since you left me I´ve thought less and less of you. I can´t think of any reasons to come knocking at your door anymore. Could be the changing of the seasons, but I don´t love you anymore.

Nights on the road get me thinking. It´s hard for me to face it, that thought of you, and it´s hard not to bruise it.  I want to ask but I don´t. I should run away, not chase it. Tell me why it´s so wrong. Or wait, don´t. All you do is lie.

I don´t think I want to know if this feeling flows both ways. The tune that makes me think of you has been playing non-stop lately. I was hoping you´d stay, but I guess we both knew that the nights were meant to say things you can´t say tomorrow day. I´m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new, yet here I am, crawling back to you. Is your heart still open? What time does it shut?

Say you´ll see me again. Don´t worry, I know it´s just pretend.

I want you to take this personal: you´re the worst. You got what you wanted and everything changed. I should have punched that smug look off your face when I had the chance to. I don´t depend on nothing or no one anymore, why don´t you come and show up uninvited? Let me tell you my opinion.

You don´t play the piano, and neither do I, but I can picture it. I dream in love songs and sing of you. You pushed me away, I couldn´t stay any longer. I can´t apologize for this any longer. You´re there, I´m here. We used to be something, now we´re nothing. Barefoot again, dreaming in love songs and singing of you.

Drake´s been at this club too long. He´s been drinking too much and he calls.
Green sequins by the river. Scared, crying. Like a scene from a movie, “Come home” she begs. “Home?”
I have nothing left to believe in. It was ripped out of my arms, I´m alone. My instinct made me call you, do you remember?

I need a numbing of my brain. I can´t get rid of your name. I hate every little thing about you, but you´re the only one I love. Stay. I´ve said it to you once and I´ll say it again. Stay, take the pain away. I´m the newest member of this club, they saved me like a mid-morning daydream, I don´t think you´d like them very much.

Mint ice cream, I´m close to reaching for it. I need you here to be close to me. You´re playing games again and I don´t know what we´re supposed to become of it this time. I don´t want grow cold under the covers, I don´t want to miss somebody who´s not missing me. Half asleep, you held on to me. Tangled up and then it was noon. I´m half asleep and wishing I still had you. Wishing I was still in your shirt.

Like a sweet drug, I don´t think I  could ever quit you. You´re like a bad habit. Biting my nails, picking at my skin, chewing on my lip. Drawing blood, it scared you. A scab on the back of a hand. “Disgusting, what the hell?” With any luck we´ll be alright, but you like pretending to be a sophisticated bloke. It suits you, really.

I would´ve gotten lost. You didn´t let me. A promise and a hug and two good-byes. The last. Tears in my eyes that you didn´t see, an answer on my lips to the question you won´t ask. Despair in the departure lounge, tears on the plane. The force of it makes me feel a bit ill.

I´m too good to you, always have been. I don´t even know how to talk to you, or ask if you´re okay. I lose my patience with you, I did last night. You never see me, but the looks you give are ever-changing. You take this all for granted, don´t you? I don´t understand it. I´m lost with you.

Paris always sounded like a good idea. You, me, getting away from my parents. You´d let me fall by myself while being wasted on someone else, wouldn´t you? Don´t deny it, we both know the truth. We could have gotten away with everything if you´d been a bit more clever. You had me wrapped around your pinky in broken promises, and back then I didn´t even know.

You´re the only one that made me wait all the time. You got under my skin like nobody else, Damage. You damaged me. How could I ever replace you with another?


// this is fictional writing. you decide what is real and what isn´t. feel what you resonate with. handle with care. love, antonia.

kiss me- sixpence none the richer
photograph- ed sheeran
that one song- gnash
cold water- justin bieber
whats love got to do with it?- tina turner
real- years & years
closer- the chainsmokers
i hate u i love u- gnash & olivia o´brien
two shots- goody grace
issues- julia michaels
mess is mine- vance joy
the one- the chainsmokers
poison & wine- the civil wars
on hold- xx
say it- flume
stay- alessia cara & zedd
you & me- marc e. bassy
the last time- taylor swift
stone cold- demi lovato
baby i won´t- danny ocean
juke jam- chance the rapper & justin bieber
changing of the seasons- two door cinema club
fall in love- barcelona
do i wanna know?- arctic monkeys
wildest dreams- taylor swift
the worst- jhene aiko
barfuß am klavier- annenmaykantereit
marvin´s room- drake
the broken hearts club- gnash
your shirt- chelsea cutler
quit you- stoop kids
despair in the departure lounge- arctic monkeys
too good- drake
paris- the chainsmokers
damage- partynextdoor

 

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